Posts Tagged ‘dead’

I stepped out onto the Golden Gate Bridge in the early morning darkness. The yellow sodium lights casting cones of light that the fog swirled through along the walkway as cars and trucks sped by on the roadway. The walkway is a little deceiving because it looks the same but you start out on land and only realize you have walked out far enough to be truly suspended when the walkway starts to move.
As the vehicle traffic shook the bridge I reached my hand out towards the railing. If you’ve never done so, I highly suggest you do it slowly the first time, with eyes closed. Feel the vibrating railing jump up to meet your fingers like a cat seeking comfort. Let the morning dew steal the heat from your touch before you’re able to grab hold and find strength in the sturdiness of the railing itself. Let it flood through you with the power of something so massive yet fragile your mind pulls in two different directions of trust and distrust. Now open your eyes.
If you timed it right, it should be the witching hour, or as some may call it 3:00am. You have about two hours before the bicyclists start zipping past, and even longer before the tourists flood the walkway with hands full of cameras and soft drinks, letting trash fall from them like cancer while their kids take turns spitting off the side like teenage cocks pushing at undergarments on prom night.
My apologies, I just, I just don’t like people who are alive very much. That’s why we are here now. So I can introduce you to some of the more interesting people that I share the night with.
Where was I? Ah yes, the railing that hums energy. It is so relaxing yet terrifying, isn’t it? It is perfection, but not the only one. If you look closely at the cones of sodium light among the walkway you’ll notice how sometimes the fog seems to swirl in a strange direction. How the light breeze seems to have no control over it. That’s Marilyn. She likes to dance in the light. I guess five-year-olds like to dance a lot. I’ve stood out here and watched her for hours and just smiled. She’s only ever talked to me one time and when I asked her why she was here a look of fear came over her innocent little face and she whispered, “Daddy is in the dark” as she pointed down towards the black water 245 feet below. Then she smiled and resumed dancing.
Did you feel that bounce as the semi truck rolled by? Makes you grip the railing a little harder, doesn’t it? You’ll get used to it after a while. Come, let me introduce you to more people.
Damn, she’s here. You see up ahead by the South Tower where the walkway lights are out? They’re normally not out, but when they are it usually means that Kellie is here. She doesn’t talk, which is kind of strange for a three-year-old I know, but most three-year-olds aren’t thrown from the bridge by their father after he kills her mother and then jumps after her either. Marilyn is a little different. I learned later that her father told her to jump and then followed her over the rail as well, but he wasn’t quite as evil as Kellie’s father. Yes, there’s different shades of evil, even in death.
We’ll take a moment and see if she leaves. Look out to the East. I think those lights out there are Alcatraz but it’s hard to be sure with the fog and darkness. They play tricks on distance. I didn’t get a chance to see if there is a full moon (or near to it) but judging by the way the foam on the water is glowing like writhing serpents it could be. That means a pretty good size tidal change in the bay.
I used to stand out here in the dark just sort of meditating until the bridge drained me of heat and I was forced to retreat back to the parking lot and climb into my car, crank up the heater, and defrost a bit.
It doesn’t look like Kellie is going to leave so let’s continue on and make our way towards the North Tower.
Don’t try to talk to her. She just clings to the lower railing, hair matted and dirty. When we get close enough she will probably snap her head around and stare at us as she shakes in fear. It’s best to just make our way past her and give her space.
I think we’re far enough away now. Middle of the span, baby! Woohoo! Just over three-quarters of a mile but it’s all uphill from here. Haha, it isn’t that bad. Here comes Charles walking towards us. He’s the only one I know of that never shuts up.
“I can’t find him. I have to find dad. I have to keep him company.” Well, I didn’t say he talks to anyone, he just keeps repeating that over and over as he walks from mid-span to the North Tower. I guess his father jumped from the bridge and four days later Charles drove the same car here and jumped as well, leaving a note behind that said, well basically what you just heard. He’ll be back in a bit I’m sure. We’ll follow him back a bit, I want to show you one last thing.
Here we are, light post number 79. I figured it had some kind of meaning since I was born in 1979, you know? But yes, this is where I jumped from. I wanted to bring you here not so you could mourn me, but so you could witness something else. I know you’ve been struggling at times and sometimes even think that this might be the only option left. You really need to stop thinking that way, because this is not an option. I know you can’t help the thoughts but I am writing this in the hopes that somehow I can get it to you, for you to see, maybe they will let me leave it in an old book somewhere for you to find as a fictional piece of writing. No one has to know it’s real. Please!
Because while Charles, Kellie, and Marilyn are all lost up here, there is more to this story.
I couldn’t finish, they wouldn’t let me finish until now. I’m so sorry!
The horror of it lies not up there on the walkway, but down below. Down in the black water, in the abyss of souls. Some 1,900 souls are down here screaming, pleading, begging to be plucked from the purgatory in which they are stuck in. Cracked, broken, hideously disfigured souls of sadness, madness, and evil. If there is a hell, it’s in the water, and I’m stuck down here with them, with you. In this never-ending despair. Because you wouldn’t fucking listen to what I was saying! Because they wouldn’t fucking let me finish it until you were dead and down here with us. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Why wouldn’t you listen?